Today was supposed to be like any other Tuesday … work for company A for a bit, work for company B and then talk with two potential new clients. Busy? Yes, but the norm for the past several years. But today was different …
Today, in the middle of working for company A, I got an email from company B thanking me for the past 13 years of working with them and telling me that due to their new direction, they “have decided not to continue to invest in the Christian Music Site.” My access to my site was cut, my picture/bio removed and in a blink, my place was gone. Shocked? Saddened? Stunned? Angry? Yes, I was all of those things. Since 2003, I have been (partially) defined as being the Christian Music and Gospel (“guide” / “expert” person) for About.com.
As I sat digesting it all, a gchat ding brought me out of my own headspace. The person on the other end was with company B and I was told that as early as Friday, that company was going to embark on a restructuring and while I had been recommended as one to keep on (part time at best), there were no guarantees.
In less than 10 minutes, 3/4’s of my income was gone and I was left sitting here in my office in stunned silence. And then it hit me …
This was no coincidence nor was it just a string of bad luck. This moment was God doing exactly what I asked Him to do years ago — make it abundantly clear to me when you are done with me in one season and ready for me to move to the next.
I’m one of those folks who desperately wants to follow God wherever He leads and walk in His will regardless of the path. And in my eagerness to do that, I sometimes (oh who am I kidding? I frequently) stay when I should be going because I want to make sure it is God calling me and not the world nor my own desires. So a long, long time ago, I prayed, “Lord, I want to be in your will in my life and follow the path that you would have me on to glorify you. But you know that I am stubborn and hard-headed and sometimes I waste a lot of precious time wondering if it is you doing the directing or me. So please, when it is time for me to move, make it so clear that even I can’t question. Slam the door behind me and padlock it shut so I won’t try to get back in to make sure that you really did want me to walk through it.”
So today, I am at a cross roads and I literally have no clue which direction I will be going in. Will I continue to write and edit? Will I preach and speak full time? Will I move into something I used to do like law enforcement? Will I move in an entirely new direction and truly begin a new adventure?
I don’t know but I do know this … with God guiding my steps, there is a purpose in what appears to be chaos. There is a direction waiting in what appears to be nothing but empty space. There is a plan that was written for me before I was even a thought by the author of it all. The road ahead is clear and I’m ready to walk it towards my next revelation.